Monday, July 27, 2015
Wrestling with myself
I'm on a journey and I have been for sometime. It is a journey to discover the true me. I find this journey sometimes easy and sometimes bothersome because it requires me to look deep within and see what God sees. There are days I'm strolling through the sunshine and taking it all in and believe that "life is good! that God is good!" Then there are days of darkness when I am buried and bumbling and barely breathing and I wonder "Why now?" These are the days that I find I am wrestling with myself, wrestling with finding truth and wrestling with God. I revert back to old habits, old views and old beliefs, and I struggle to see the sunshine. It is during those times I feel bad, isolated, alone and I'm certain that everyone hates me. I crawl into a hole and fear to let anyone in to see my hurts, my pains, and my weaknesses, especially those closest to me. I don't want to be raw and vulnerable or exposed because there is ugliness there. However; there is one truth I cannot escape and that it God's love and belief in me. So the journey changes, as I look at myself through God's eyes. I change because of God's love and I move forward. This inner battle, this struggle, this wrestling match becomes easier as I turn closer and closer to God. As I accept Christ and what he has done and what he continues to do in my life, my journey becomes less troublesome, less burdensome, and less dark. Because Christ is the way, the truth and the life, he has been where I have been and gone before me to make my path more bearable. He is the one that lights my way and brings me out of the darkness.