September 17, 2015
I went for a walk in the woods today, and it sucked me in and held me like nothing else mattered. I needed that. I missed the woods, and it let me know I'm always welcomed there and that I can find peace with the spirits around me, with life around me. I needed the spirits. I needed peace. I needed God. I needed to live. It is funny how fast life moves past us. How quickly we get out of routines or start new bad habits and then realize we missed so much. I found that out these last few weeks, how much I missed my winter routine of walking through the woods. When two long friendships crumbled around me, I realized life moved so quickly, excuses piled up and before long I found myself slowly losing my discipline that I had during the winter. Slowly losing my focus on the simple things and beauty in everyday life. Maybe this spring, I was still feeling the sting of being rejected and slowly it eroded away at what I had accomplished this winter, which was trying to turn my life around by trusting God more. To learn to let go and let God, but as spring gave way to summer, I found I was fooling myself to believe I could find God in other ways. I didn't need the woods. But the busyness took over, and I wasn't looking for God as much, and maybe that is what changed in my friendships, and I failed to notice, because I had changed.
Recently I realized my life was spiraling out of control, my control and I found myself back to square one as I was on that day back in December when I was reeling about falling in love with someone who didn't love me the same way back. I had a choice to make, I could continue to let the depression, sweep in and continue to take over my life, or I could do something about it. I could choose to return to the woods, to return back as the prodigal daughter, asking God to show me the way. To ask God to help me with the blindness in my life. To ask God to open my eyes to what I have been missing these last few months. To awaken me from my blindness to see God. I needed to see God, because I was hurting and angry and I didn't want this to consume me.
So I returned to the woods, looking about, feeling, listening, praying for God to give me His peace. As I walked, I saw the changes from the winter and early spring. The trees were full of life, bristling in the light breeze, circling me with their branches offering me shelter. The path was narrower, but more focused and only small shards of light passed through the full branches. I could feel the warmth of this light on my cheek. The trees continued to wrap around me, almost hugging me. So I sat awhile and basked in the light and the comfort. Everything was so green and full of life and the leaves seemed to block out all the outside noise. It was just me and Fergus and God in this lush, green world. As I talked with God, I heard Him speak to me, reminding me that everything changes. Nothing stays the same, except God's love for me. He reminded me that life moves forward not backwards, and that to continue to trust Him. I left the woods comforted and more peaceful. I was grateful God is always with me and that everything will work out according to His plan.