Tuesday, May 26, 2015

A Common Thread...

March 25, 2015


As I reflect on this Memorial Day, I cannot help but think of all the men and women who have gone before me and provided the ultimate service and sacrifice through our Military and Law Enforcement to preserve and protect my Freedoms as a United States Citizen. I am grateful that I live in such a great country that provides the freedoms, opportunities, and blessings that I have received. Many of my ancestors and your ancestors came to this country seeking a better way of life, and many have found ample opportunities and successes living in the United States.
Recently, I was blessed to be a witness to my Great Aunt being sworn in as a United States Citizen. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity for me, and I believe everyone should have the opportunity to experience this great achievement. As I witnessed, my aunt and sixty-one other canidates from twenty-two countries, raise their right hands and begin their oath of allegiance to the United States....
The Oath:
"I hereby declare, on oath, that I absolutely and entirely renounce and abjure all allegiance and fidelity to any foreign prince, potentate, state, or sovereignty, of whom or which I have heretofore been a subject or citizen; that I will support and defend the Constitution and laws of the United States of America against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I will bear arms on behalf of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform noncombatant service in the Armed Forces of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform work of national importance under civilian direction when required by the law; and that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; so help me God."

I couldn't help but find myself, wanting to raise my own right hand and repeat the common thread, which is part of the very same oath that I took when I was sworn in as an officer: "...that I will support and defend the Constitution and laws of the United States of America against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same;..."

The oath I took goes on to say: "that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me God."

This common thread or the taking of the "Oath" is required by all other government officials from the three branches of government, the military, and the States. It binds us to defend the Constitution, to establish Justice, insure peace and the welfare of our Country and to preserve and secure our blessings of liberty and freedom. It is something that I am very proud and honored to have taken and in a way binds me to those serving in our Military who sometimes make the ultimate sacrifice. Words cannot express the gratitude, I have for those who serve to protect my freedoms. May God Bless all those who defend our Constitution and way of life as United States Citizens. May we always honor them today and every day for their sacrifices. May God keep them safe.


Monday, May 25, 2015

The Mighty Oaks...

March 24, 2015


I went for a walk in the woods today. The sun was bright and shining through the trees, and as I walked I couldn't help but admire the mighty oak trees towering above me. The oak trees brought to mind a greeting card I had recently read titled:


"The Oak Tree" A Message of Encouragement.


A mighty wind blew night and day.
It stole the oak tree's leaves away,
Then snapped its boughs and pulled its bark
Until the oak was tired and stark.
But still the oak tree held its ground
While other trees fell all around.
The weary wind gave up and spoke,
"How can you still be standing, Oak?"
The oak tree said, "I know that you
Can break each branch of mine in two,
Carry every leaf away,
Shake my limbs, and make me sway.
But I have roots stretched in the earth,
Growing stronger since my birth.
You'll never touch them, for you see,
They are the deepest part of me.
Until today, I wasn't sure
Of just how much I could endure.
But now I've found, with thanks to you,
I'm stronger than I ever knew."

As I walked I continued to ponder the resiliency of the oaks as they swayed and bent in the wind, moving back and forth, back and forth. Always bending never breaking, it was so soothing. I began to think of my past and how many things or times I have bent but not broken. How many times I was close to breaking, but standing tall like these oaks, being so majestic yet defiant, saying "Bring it on!" How many times in my life, I just wanted to give in, but somehow was able to reach down to my roots and find strength. Strength to face another day. Strength to never give up. Most people would call that fortitude or perseverance. Me I call it Faith. Faith that God would bring me through anything. He has never let me down, when I put my trust in Him, but sometimes I don't like the answers He gives me or I can't see the answers. Right now I struggle with a broken heart, but as my friend Anne told me, "this too shall pass." I have faith that she is right and I will get through this, as I have with my struggles in the past, but the pain is still raw and I must draw from my roots to stand strong.

Sunday, May 24, 2015

Disconnected

"Disconnected I'm so far away...."-Veridia


March 22, 2015 
I went for a walk in the woods today, and the sun was warm and bright against my cheek. As I set out on the trail, I had to admire how things have changed since the winter months. No longer was it blanketed in pure white snow, nor was it brown and dreary as it was in the early spring. No, now the ground popped with the growth of new grass and a sprinkling of bits of color from the violets and marsh flowers. Spring has led way to new birth and I found myself soaking it all in as Fergus and I walked. The trees with their new leaves bristled in the light breeze. The sparrows, cardinals, blackbirds, finches and jays called out to each other in their symphony of songs, and not to be outdone the frogs joined in the chorus. It was easy to get lost in this world around me. There was great peace and harmony, but as I walked the word "Disconnected" popped into my head.
So I mulled that word over, thinking why "disconnected?" I wondered is that what I have been doing these last few weeks, disconnecting from the pain, the rejection, the hollowness in my heart? Or was there another reason for the word to flit through my mind. Because even though I have been struggling these last few weeks, I have not been hiding and I am still trying to stay connected to others, not burrowing myself into my "safe cocoon" of avoidance and self preservation. I have felt God's presence around me and actually was feeling "connected" so why was disconnected on my mind? Was is because I need to "disconnect," i.e. let go or was there more to it? So I just walked in the presence, relishing the world around me and cherishing this beautiful world. Fergus and I finished our walk, but "disconnected" kept nagging at me and then the song by Veridia danced through my head and the lyrics: "Disconnected, I'm so far away...." I thought to myself could that be the only reason this word "disconnected" was dancing through my head and then it dawned on me.
In a world with so much technology and ways to communicate, we are severely lacking in truly being connected to other humans. We are disconnected and so far away.
Case in point maybe you can relate or give your input. I have some friends that are all about their phones. It appears as if their phones are an extra appendage that is with them always. They are constantly checking them for messages or updates, even when they are sitting in the company of real people. To me this is rude and annoying, and I have mentioned this to some of my friends when it appears they are more interested in their phones than the conversation or time that we are spending together. Maybe this is rude on my part to point out this behavior,  but to me I believe when you are sitting and talking with someone they should know by my actions that they are worth my undivided attention. I don't want them to feel second fiddle to a phone because the people in my life are important. Not to say I'm not important to my friends, but sometimes I believe that the time I spend with my friends should not be "disconnected" or full of distractions. But then there is the other side of the coin. What is proper etiquette when it comes to returning a message or phone call? Because I tend to get annoyed, when I leave a message or send a text and it takes days to get  a response, or maybe I get no response at all. It probably wouldn't be so annoying if I hadn't witnessed how connected they may be to their phone any other time. So then I start to think, maybe I am not that important or deserving of a response. Sometimes when I have questioned the friends about the lack of response, I've received answers such as: "I've taken a break from technology. Or, I'm horrible about returning phone calls or messages. Or I never received the message, do you want to check my phone?" So the hard thing is to let it go and not let it control how I react. So maybe that is why I've pondered "disconnected" today.

Friday, May 22, 2015

Dormancy

So I began my walk in the woods journey back in December after falling in love with someone who did not love me the same. However, at the time the journey began it was my way of trying to sort through the feelings and what lied ahead instead of becoming more depressed and sinking into my pit of weariness.
So I made a decision to walk in the woods, pondering life, reflecting on my Godly moments and then sharing them with the one I fell in love with. At first, this was very therapuetic and enjoyable. I looked forward to my daily walks with Fergus, God and my love and I was confident that my love would be honest with me and stop me if things got too complicated or uncomfortable for them to receive my written letters. I continued walking through the winter months, even through the bitter cold and copious amounts of snow. I was entrenched in this new routine, and not only was I seeing results of better health, i.e. loosing weight, I was more enthused about life and was finding healing from some past hurts. So one month passed, then another, then another. I was three months into this process of change, but things started to feel different. The one I was sending the letters to, started to feel more distant to me, and I started to doubt why I was writing the letters. Was it because of the enjoyment and healing in myself, or deep down was there an ulterior motive to try and win someone's heart because they captured mine? So after talking it over with some friends, I decided that my letters were creating a false sense of intimacy and a dangerous mix of co-dependency. So I stopped writing, I became dormant, much like the world around me. No longer did there seem to be beauty and awe at every turn. Winter had taken its toll and Spring had not yet awakened the earth.  Like nature things in my life were murky and sloppy, brown and desolate. I lost my eye to seek the beauty around me and my heartfelt enthusiasm. I continud to walk, but there was not as much as joy. It seemed more of a chore.  I was lost because I was missing an element of my journey. I was missing sharing with the one I loved.
After a few weeks of not writing, I was still not happy. I wanted to share. So I tried just writing in a journal, then I tried writing to the one I loved without sending the letters, but things seemed false this way. So I continued in my dormant state until I got enough courage to talk with my love face to face. Again, I expressed how much I loved them and how they made my world a better place, and how I wanted to continue sharing my journey and my letters, if this is what they wanted. The only response I received, is "Maggie you are a very talented writer and I enjoy reading your letters."
So I thought, great things will return to how the beginning of the journey, began, but I did not return. I did not go backwards to try and recapture and rekindle the beauty of my letters from the beginning. Because deep in my heart, maybe I knew this was not going to work and that I was setting myself up for failure and more rejection. So I didn't write until Mother's Day weekend when I fell in more ways than one. I had any awful weekend and decided to drown my sorrows and pains with alcohol. I know this was not a good choice, and those that know me, know that I am not one to use alcohol to mask or hide my sorrows. But I succumbed to the alcohol and had the lump on my head to remind me of my poor choice and the drunken texts to the one I love. Now mind you there was nothing horrible about the texts or my messages. They were actually pretty hilarious, but the next day panic set in for my stupidity and I had to apologize to the one I loved. So I did but then I received the final write off that things will not work out, they are flattered that I have feelings stronger than friends, but they do not share those same feelings for me, which they believe is unhealthy for me. Even in this final letter, being truthful to myself, I had to agree. However, agreeing does not erase the pain of the rejection.
So again, I made a conscious decision to call on mother nature, God and to answer the trail. I will not slip into a dormant state, but will continue to make strides to continue my journey whereever it may lead. So I will not settle for dormancy, but I will bring new friends along my journey through the woods. I will look at this from the vantage point of Spring and re-birth...


Thursday, May 21, 2015

Broken Glass

Image downloaded  from Bing images.

Written May 14, 2015
The water is so calm.
Looking like glass.
Longing to float along its peaceful beauty.
But glass shatters and breaks and leaves you with shards that make you bleed.


But in the brokenness of the water there is beauty and now there is freedom.
The water begins to ebb and flow and laps against the shore as tongues, licking the wounds and soothing the pain.

The journey begins...

So today, I have begun a new journey at the urging of my friend, Kristi, who like me is a kindred spirit in the creative realm of writing. Now mind you when talking with each other today at breakfast, we both downcast our writing abilities, as if each are not very good. But as she shared some of her blogs with me, I had to laugh, and think, "why do we do this to ourselves?" Meaning why do she and I have this tendency to think our writing is not "good enough"? I did not have an answer, as to why. Yet as I listened to her written word, I was touched, and proud of the beauty in which she conveyed her thoughts and feelings, struggles and triumphs and I became inspired to share some of my writings with the world around me, rather than just a select few.


To give a little background, I have never considered myself a talented writer. Oh, I have dabbled with some poetry, writing letters and writing in journals. But usually it didn't last and I was always cautious about sharing because I didn't want to fall victim to someone's critical eye. However, recently this changed on December 22, 2014 when I fell in love, but it is complicated. So because of the struggle I decided to tap into my creative side rather than to bury myself in depression. I was inspired to make changes.  At first it was a step to look at the world in a different perspective, then it became about making a deliberate choice to change my life. As my journey through the woods progressed it has become a journey of healing which will probably be subject of future posts and finally it was my way of stopping and looking for God in the everyday. So I look forward to sharing future posts and walking through the woods with you.


So, I want to share my first letter from the woods written on December 24, 2014.


I went for a walk in the woods today, through my old familiar path through the field to the woods. I needed that comfort on such a dreary day. I had faith that I could find beauty and solace in the woods, as I have so many times in my life. I am in a struggle of the heart and mind as I write these words. My heart is telling me to go for it and follow my passions and desires. My mind is the kill joy telling me to slow down, to think-not react. This is not a race. This is beauty in the making if you just got through it clearly and slowly. God will reveal everything in His time not mine.


So I walk in the silence listening to the jingle of Fergus' tags as he bounds about the trail. Listening for God to speak to my heart. Listening to the birds calling to each other. Hearing the pitter patter of the water as it beads and falls from the trees. Feeling the moisture on my head, my face and then my lips. It is so cool and numbing. I am frozen in the moment and yet I hear a small still voice telling me to just Breathe! So I inhale and exhale and I inhale and exhale, and the air is cold going in and warm going out. I continue walking and I hear in the silence, "Maggie pick your head up and look about you." So I raise my head and my eyes catch a glimmer of something white and glistening on a branch. I move forward with trepidation and curiosity. Trying to focus in on what has caught my eye. Is it just a raindrop on a dried and shriveled leaf? My eyes focus and I can now clearly see a caterpillar all fuzzy and white, hanging upside down on the branch. I breathe and wonder..."why is this caterpillar here?" Then the voice whispers the same question in my mind..."why am I here?" I start to look deeply at the caterpillar. He does not move, he is stuck in time. Much like my life, I am stuck in time. Then I remember that the caterpillar is only a temporary phase. This time in my life is only a temporary phase. God is creating me for so much more. I am the caterpillar. I must move slowly. I must trust the process. I must believe that I will emerge a beautiful butterfly. I continue walking but now my heart smiles and knows that God is with me and everything will go according to his plan.