So today, I have begun a new journey at the urging of my friend, Kristi, who like me is a kindred spirit in the creative realm of writing. Now mind you when talking with each other today at breakfast, we both downcast our writing abilities, as if each are not very good. But as she shared some of her blogs with me, I had to laugh, and think, "why do we do this to ourselves?" Meaning why do she and I have this tendency to think our writing is not "good enough"? I did not have an answer, as to why. Yet as I listened to her written word, I was touched, and proud of the beauty in which she conveyed her thoughts and feelings, struggles and triumphs and I became inspired to share some of my writings with the world around me, rather than just a select few.
To give a little background, I have never considered myself a talented writer. Oh, I have dabbled with some poetry, writing letters and writing in journals. But usually it didn't last and I was always cautious about sharing because I didn't want to fall victim to someone's critical eye. However, recently this changed on December 22, 2014 when I fell in love, but it is complicated. So because of the struggle I decided to tap into my creative side rather than to bury myself in depression. I was inspired to make changes. At first it was a step to look at the world in a different perspective, then it became about making a deliberate choice to change my life. As my journey through the woods progressed it has become a journey of healing which will probably be subject of future posts and finally it was my way of stopping and looking for God in the everyday. So I look forward to sharing future posts and walking through the woods with you.
So, I want to share my first letter from the woods written on December 24, 2014.
I went for a walk in the woods today, through my old familiar path through the field to the woods. I needed that comfort on such a dreary day. I had faith that I could find beauty and solace in the woods, as I have so many times in my life. I am in a struggle of the heart and mind as I write these words. My heart is telling me to go for it and follow my passions and desires. My mind is the kill joy telling me to slow down, to think-not react. This is not a race. This is beauty in the making if you just got through it clearly and slowly. God will reveal everything in His time not mine.
So I walk in the silence listening to the jingle of Fergus' tags as he bounds about the trail. Listening for God to speak to my heart. Listening to the birds calling to each other. Hearing the pitter patter of the water as it beads and falls from the trees. Feeling the moisture on my head, my face and then my lips. It is so cool and numbing. I am frozen in the moment and yet I hear a small still voice telling me to just Breathe! So I inhale and exhale and I inhale and exhale, and the air is cold going in and warm going out. I continue walking and I hear in the silence, "Maggie pick your head up and look about you." So I raise my head and my eyes catch a glimmer of something white and glistening on a branch. I move forward with trepidation and curiosity. Trying to focus in on what has caught my eye. Is it just a raindrop on a dried and shriveled leaf? My eyes focus and I can now clearly see a caterpillar all fuzzy and white, hanging upside down on the branch. I breathe and wonder..."why is this caterpillar here?" Then the voice whispers the same question in my mind..."why am I here?" I start to look deeply at the caterpillar. He does not move, he is stuck in time. Much like my life, I am stuck in time. Then I remember that the caterpillar is only a temporary phase. This time in my life is only a temporary phase. God is creating me for so much more. I am the caterpillar. I must move slowly. I must trust the process. I must believe that I will emerge a beautiful butterfly. I continue walking but now my heart smiles and knows that God is with me and everything will go according to his plan.